When I started this second pregnancy, I felt different right away. I felt sicker and more tired, and generally more emotional than I did with Alice. I first chalked it up to a more exhausted body, and the years that have gained on me since Alice’s birth in 2003. I have generally been more nervous and worried with this pregnancy than my first as well. The years between Alice and this pregnancy have seen much decline in my confidence in my instincts. Especially when those instincts have to do with my body or what it is able to do.
When I started to get the “feeling”, the something that told me the sex of this baby, I started to doubt myself. Since my c-section with Alice, I have had trouble trusting my feelings. But yet the something grew stronger, and became the thought that woke me in the dead of night, whispering “boy” across the bedroom.
Well, this baby has given me my first birth present. A confirmation of the feeling. A strong hand patting my back, reminding me that my instincts can be right. Gently nudging me, pushing me to trust what I feel. It’s a beautiful beautiful thing – for this little tiny teeny baby to help bring me back to a time of increased confidence.
That’s right. It’s a boy. The midwives called today with the news of a holiday present – the news that the ultrasound report was conclusive this time.
My son. Our son. What a beautiful start.