Yes I know. It’s been over a month since I last posted. Meh.
I haven’t been sleeping. No, I mean I really REALLY have not been sleeping. I know that insomnia is a common complaint in pregnancy, but this is ridiculous. The last week alone I have been averaging 3 hours per night. Last night was about one hour, tops. It’s not even like I am stewing or worrying about something (surprisingly, that is, for me). I just lie there, watching the hours pass by. And when the alarm goes off in the morning, I feel so very angry. Full of hot angry exhausted tears. It’s not like I soon won’t be experiencing this no-sleeping routine, as soon as the babe arrives.
Soon I will look like Christian Bale in that movie The Machinist, where his character hasn’t slept in over a year.
I don’t want to be a complaining mess this pregnancy, I really don’t. I want to embrace this time with open arms, and enjoy the short time this little boy lives inside me. But all I feel is tired and mad. Crazy mad.
When I told the midwives this past week about the insomnia and how I just couldn’t handle it anymore, they (somewhat jokingly) told me to give that complaint “up to the universe. So could the universe please help Kate sleep at night?” And all I could think was “could the universe please give me some fucking prescription sleeping pills so I could sleep, goddamnit?”
So, as I said – meh. And that’s where I am at this month.