no sleep till…never

Yes I know.  It’s been over a month since I last posted. Meh.

I haven’t been sleeping.  No, I mean I really REALLY have not been sleeping.  I know that insomnia is a common complaint in pregnancy, but this is ridiculous.  The last week alone I have been averaging 3 hours per night.  Last night was about one hour, tops.  It’s not even like I am stewing or worrying about something (surprisingly, that is, for me).  I just lie there, watching the hours pass by.  And when the alarm goes off in the morning, I feel so very angry.  Full of hot angry exhausted tears.  It’s not like I soon won’t be experiencing this no-sleeping routine, as soon as the babe arrives.

Soon I will look like Christian Bale in that movie The Machinist, where his character hasn’t slept in over a year. 

I don’t want to be a complaining mess this pregnancy, I really don’t.  I want to embrace this time with open arms, and enjoy the short time this little boy lives inside me.  But all I feel is tired and mad.  Crazy mad.

When I told the midwives this past week about the insomnia and how I just couldn’t handle it anymore, they (somewhat jokingly) told me to give that complaint “up to the universe.  So could the universe please help Kate sleep at night?”  And all I could think was “could the universe please give me some fucking prescription sleeping pills so I could sleep, goddamnit?”

So, as I said – meh. And that’s where I am at this month.

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5 Comments »

  1. Jen said

    Oh, I remember those days (obviously not fondly). Ugh. If my taking Ativan on your behalf would help, just say the word. And I’ll put in a good word to the universe for you.

  2. Kathy said

    New reader of your blog here and I felt I needed to give you some reassurance about the sleep thing. While pregnant with my third baby I slept horribly. Same sort of scenario as you. Not stressing about anything, I would fall asleep quite easily but would wake up a few hours later and toss and turn the wee hours away until sunrise. I was a walking (well, waddling really) zombie during the day and I’m surprised my 3.5 and 2 yr olds (and my husband) survived through it. Believe it or not, the sleep situation actually improved after the baby came. Even though the actual length of time I slept decreased (as well as it being interrupted sleep), the quality of the rest I did get vastly improved. So chin up, in all likelihood the same fate awaits you! Good luck.

  3. DAMN YOU UNIVERSE! *shakes fist at sky*

    Did that help at all? No? Hmmmmm… how about pulling out some old textbooks – those always put me to sleep pronto.

    Sending you sleepy vibes (which in turn, will be up to the Universe if they will be delivered)

  4. kgirl said

    Oh, you poor thing, I know that anger well.
    Truly, I think I am sleeping better with a newborn than I did while pregnant. So there’s something to look forward to.

    A little help, universe?

  5. Lisa b said

    No sleep sends me over the edge.
    I slept way better after the baby came too. Hang in there.
    I snuck out for dinner at mistura last night. I was just dying for some risotto.

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